is coz of what happened to me back in high school.
When I was fourteen years old, I got diagnosed with Rheumatic Heart Disease, and my whole life turned upside down. The reason why I didn't enjoy my 2nd year in high school is because I couldn't bare how everyone (even the teachers) treated me at school - the gestures, the stares, the talks, everything, I have never once told my parents about them. The only time my parents know the mistreating is when I slipped up about one of our teachers making a joke about me that I should be put inside a freezer - I get asthma-like attacks all the time in the classroom because of lack of air in the small room that could barely fit 30+ students inside. And then when my classmates started blaming me for disrupting 'their' classes, I completely lost it. I've stopped coming to school then.
From then on, I developed fear of crowds. I hated being in the center of attention and having everyone's eyes on me. It doesn't even help that I'm really shy by nature. One time I got to report solo in front of my classmates, it was fine at first but when I got conscious of the stares and their attention were all on me, I started to hyperventilate. The next thing I know, I ran out of the classroom.
Not wanting to be in the center of attention anymore, I stay away from everything and stay at home all the time where it is safe. Some people may think it's irrational and stupid but for me the experience was traumatizing. And, till now, I can still see the faces and the blaming eyes in my head.
Fear of Crowds - Enochlophobia
